Guru Maharaj: If we want to forget Krsna, then Krsna gives us the ability to forget Him. If we want to always remember Krsna, then He gives us the intelligence to come to Him. So, since you say you voluntarily surrender to maya. If you desire that you want to do everything as a service to Krsna, then He will give you such intelligence. You can do things for Krsna, under the guidance of guru. Krsna does not want us to be too austere then our heart becomes very hard. So, we should see how we can do our service to Krsna.